Friday, September 8, 2017

Level Ten



"I brought cake. I need a good friend tonight. Would you be so kind to chat and chill with me, you know, downstairs at lobby or at the garden, wherever, just to catch up on things nowadays and perhaps eat cake?

I smile. To the mirror. Thinking myself it will do it. I totally killed it. Those dialogues I just made, couldn't be better.

I step out from the car. Taking light footsteps, I try to reach for the door handle, just to make sure I'd locked my car. I have to juggle between McDonalds takeaway on my left hand, and a book on the right. Oh, the main character, a green tea flavoured cheese cake, nicely in a red box.

"Alright, in the bag, with the fries and buns. Sit nicely in there" I murmur to myself, staring at the cake box.

By just few minutes, I'm at her apartment ground floor. Pushing the entrance door, a male, presumably Korean, walks past. We share glances. He has his eyes on my buns, and by buns I mean burgers, and I lash at him by narrowing my eyes. He quickly moves away.

I am now in front of the elevator. For some shitty reasons, I couldn't lift my finger to press the button.

"She is just a friend." I thought to myself. "A friend, and you need a company to have your dinner. What could have gone wrong? It's only 9.05 p.m. Not too late."

"No, it's awfully wrong" The devilish thought is taking his turn to speak now. "What in the hell are you doing, in this ungodly hour? For God's sake, she has a boyfriend, leave her alone!"

I roll my tongue, swallowing a lump of saliva.

I lift my fingers, yes they are moving! For crying out loud, is that so hard?

Crap, few inches away and my finger pauses in mid-air.

"Darn Ming, just turn around and go back" The devil speaks.

"You are already here, why not just go and say hi?" My inner cupid says.

I put both of my palms on my face, brushing it over and over again.


"Okay, three more levels to go"

Don't get the wrong idea. I decide nothing. So I make up my mind to use the staircase instead. That will help to save time while I feel sorry for my ass.


Oh boy, this is it. I'm there, I'm there, few more steps.

Crazily, I freeze again, this time in front of the staircase wooden door.

"Open it up, and you will be there!" The inner-me screams.

I decide to give up, taking my phone out, spilled everything out in text.

Hey, I'm nearby your place. I bought a takeaway, can I have my dinner at your place because I could use a company of yours as chat buddy.

"There, sent!"

 Not my proudest moment. This is another low me. I couldn't go past my guts, and I have to resort to mobile-acknowledgement to announce my intention.

15 minutes passed. No reply. Perhaps she's busy. Maybe I'll just wait at the ground floor. I might stand a chance to bump her there if she's returning from outside.

I begin my descend down the staircase. The chilled cake must have been warm by now. And the fries, the fries are definitely soggy by now.

I find myself a place to rest my buttock and legs. I whip out the book I'm holding, in which it's titled "MY ADVENTURES WITH PAWS". I did bookmark on page 56, as I stare at my phone screen, still with no reply, I flip to page 57 and begin my light reading.


"Page 122" I mumble.

I put down the book, stand up and do some stretching.

No reply. Not a single notification on my phone. It is already 11.05 p.m. Is she already asleep? Or is she outside her home? Questions yet questions play in my mind. I glance at the cake box. I start to worry.

By this time, countless residents of this place had already passed and walked through the hall, seeing me as a weirdo walking around aimlessly, with a book on his hand.


I quickly snap myself out from my imagination. Scrambling my pocket for my phone, I quickly unlock the screen.

Hi there.

You're back. I'm sorry I'm not at my place now. On a trip to Kuala Lumpur

My heart sank, slowly, like a sinking Titanic, dreadful after hitting an iceberg. Silently, I reach for my burgers and fries, chunking it down to feed my hungry stomach.

I clean up the remaining burger wrap and paper tissues, and toss it into nearest bin. Closing my half-read book, I put it into the bag, together with the forgotten, not-so-important now cake before heading to my car.

On my way, I type a few words.


It 's a shame I can't meet you tonight. I guess some other time.

Dejected, I click on my car remote, open up the passenger's door, and carefully place the bag of stuffs. Before driving away, I reach into my trousers pocket once more, and a small piece of paper is taken out.

I look at it for few seconds, then tossing out the window to the ground, before driving away.


             I like you.

              I know you are seeing someone.

            But just for tonight,

             Would you be mine?

Heartfelt experience,
Bintulu, 16th August 2017

Sunday, July 16, 2017

A Thief

Been asked a lot,
"What I am waiting for?"
Seasons passed, flowers wilted,
"Isn't that enough?"

Tears flow, again,
Dripping slowly to the hole at my chest
"Where are you, thief?" I plea
"Return my heart to me"

Intercontinental, KL

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Something new about four

Four sentences, four lines
For feels, for breaks, for wrecks
Challenge I think to myself, bring it on
"I still am hoping" is all four words I could

Bintulu Kemena

Sofa, Soda, Sundae, Sonia

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Pen and heart

My pen
Inside the drawer of my heart
Must have been years since I last wrote
Or scribbled in the field of feels
I hate it when it grows strong
They call it gay, I agree myself
But, hey
I try to cry out loud, to no avail
Let the ink replace, the missing tears
Be the paper, as my pillow
And the evening
Disperse away with dust
To be awaken for another day

Written in Miri,
1123am, 14/2/2017

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Letter to Aziee

Knock knock knock
Hold the door don't close it yet
Together with our sincerest apologies
We bake it into a small giftie
In hope you will never be upset again
For the silly insensitive jokes we have done
Before our friendship dies of a broken heart
We would like to say we are sorry


Wednesday, January 28, 2015


That was the word
It was the first, and only
You hear it pausing
Or twenty straight of them, ringing
In that already sleepy night

I remember I wasn't good
As I did clenched my left fist
On the other, with a bathroom soap
I began to lose count, as my tummy shrank
As if that wasn't bad enough
The wronged bone in my foot
Began to ache
And I'm In vain

Written, inspired
True toilet experience

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Bad dream

If you cry over a bad dream
Open the window
And sigh along the passing shooting star

Let it loud and long
Until you feel comfy and sleepy again
And not forget your way back
To the blanket fort

And yes, to the dreamy world
And be what it is to be
Once more

Lab E
Batu Rakit

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Lost and Locked

I remember when you walked through that door
The white chair that you sat in
The tremors when I met you
In that white palace

She glows, among the morning sunflowers
She fits perfectly,
As if the golden horses were there for their princess
As her humble and playful laughter
Melts the evening

Leaving some and few,
Wandering emotions,
Lost and locked


Wholeheartedly written
That day I realized it is her I am looking for
2156, Room 3097

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Sonnet 31

I see,
A torn wound
In already straining heart

In grief,
My mouth and lips
Tightly locked up

is the only word spoken
as it goes, days and months
for the diminishing courage

Too much things I want to say
Would rather had hugged you,
From saying goodbye


Selamat Hari Kebangsaan

Scribbled 0017
Marine Apartment Miri

Sunday, June 1, 2014


As the clock strikes quarter to four
I shed my scribbles
And snub my shoes over sneakers
I blow farewell kisses to my mates
And look behind no more
I make my way to her empty desk
Dumbfounded, I leave with heavy heart

Never mind that,
I am running pretty late
For fun with folks, of Sri Rampai
Rekindles bit of bit, the happy good old days
The excitement is eccentric
I nearly crapped my pants

Ahh, the homecoming
Heartbeat comes crushing strong
Much like in queue for BOSET test
Peeping at my new timepiece
Mom and dad, it has been a while
Grandma and granddad, it has been a while
And of all, taugeh ayam
Surely, it has been awhile

Ipoh, after away for 60 days

Written 1/6/2014